


how could i not?

by benitato



Series: killugon? killugon. [2]
Category: Hunter X Hunter
Genre: Angst and Fluff, Angst with a Happy Ending, Killugon - Freeform, M/M, only minor appearances from other characters
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-11-29
Updated: 2017-11-29
Packaged: 2019-02-08 10:13:57
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 724
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12862383
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/benitato/pseuds/benitato
Summary: “A lifetime of trouble, but how could I not love you?"





	how could i not?

**Author's Note:**

> These are three different scenarios from three different arcs, hope it’s not too hard to read.

_"I don't know how your brain works so well and if I did I might explode._  
_Even if could, I don't think that I would, want to decipher your series of codes._  
_A lifetime of trouble but how could I not love you?"_

\- Tom Rosenthal

 

 

  
~~~

 

" _Again_." Silva Zoldyck's voice cuts through the haze of pain surrounding the white-haired predecessor's head.

Shakily, Killua stands up, his vision swimming in red and black, chest heaving.

 

_Black_

Illumi's hair, long and serpentine and swinging in a curtain. Smirking, he steps out the door as Killua receives another round of beating.

 

_Red_

Gashes opening on Killua's body everywhere his father hits him. Killua knows that this is only to make him a better, stronger assassin. But these sparring sessions seem to last longer than usual; perhaps it's the fatigue getting to him.

 

_what did i do to deserve this?_

 

~~~

 

A collective gasp is drawn out from the onlookers as Bodoro's body hits the ground with a sickening _thud!_

Killua looks around, a strangled yell shaking him out of his bloodlust reverie. His eyes land on a horrified Kurapika and an equally terrified Leorio. He was subconsciously glad that Gon was nowhere to be seen and hadn't witnessed the scene that had just unfolded.

No, not scene.

 

 _Murder_.

 

Never mind that he couldn't pass the Hunter exam now; Killua had yet again spilled unnecessary blood. Typical for someone who was born for the purpose of reaping, nothing else. He deserved their disgust and reveled in their horror.

 

But god, the look in his friends' eyes.

 

_what did i do to deserve this?_

 

~~~

 

" _No_ ", Killua firmly states, hands at his sides.

A dangerous gleam evident in Gon's eyes, he starts moving towards the assassin. Killua responds by moving backwards at the same pace, until his back hits the wall.

" _Let me see_ ". Gon insists, eyebrows pulled together, as they usually were when he wanted something with a fierce resolve.

Exasperated, Killua thrusts out both hands. A minute gasp, so quiet he isn't even sure he heard it, makes him raise his eyebrows.

"Killua, why didn't you-" , Gon looks at the other boy, eyes hooded with regret and voice thick with _something_. It makes Killua warm, and he isn't sure whether to laugh or cry.

"It doesn't hurt that-" an involuntary yelp comes out from the assassin's mouth before he can stop it. Gon's fingers stop from their task of poking at the blue and black lumps that were once Killua's hands.

A satisfactory smirk quickly turns into a sad smile. Gon's fingers return to their task, albeit more gently than before. Killua is sure this would be the undoing of him, his insides unraveling in sync with the lines Gon keeps tracing on his palms.

Gon reaches in his pocket to pull out something white. _Gauze_ , Killua realizes, and his heart stops beating for a second as Gon starts winding the cloth around the first hand.

Killua could only stare as the white covered up the blue and black. Gon's hands, which carried the force of two tons and determination, were now gentle and light and healing.

"I needed you to do it, to hold the ball, and I'm sorry", Gon says quietly, tucking the last of the gauze into a knot.

Killua felt a wave of pride overcome him - this boy, this unwavering force of strength, _needed him_. Killua was the only one who could have done it. For him. Always for him.

Killua stared out at the Patch of Shore window. Letting the cool night air clear his head, he looked back at Gon, and wished he hadn't because he _melted_.

Gon was looking at him with a fierce certainty he only reserved for when he was fighting. Killua felt absolutely unworthy of such pure attention.

"I wish you didn't disregard your own pain like that", Gon says, still staring at wide-eyed boy. Killua can't help but laugh at the irony.

"Isn't it my place to tell you to stop doing stupid things?" Killua smiles softly.

"And it's my job to keep doing them", Gon answers resolutely with a proud grin.

They laugh breathlessly. Outside, the stars shine with intensity and the waves lap at the shores, desperate for touch as Killua was desperate to commit to memory that very moment.

 

_what did i do to deserve this?_

 

**Author's Note:**

> Song used: How Could I Not? by Tom Rosenthal


End file.
